It appears things at Urbana never stay quiet. My ex-roommate and her boyfriend are having some problems, but it appears that the story is different from multiple angles and something is unsettling me. Lucky for me, a majority of my contacts are on account of her, so even though my name is mud now, I am still able to get news and move from there. I am going to have to rebuild contacts now, which is a bit of an annoying setback, but I should be able to. Granted, I will mostly need CS contacts now, but having more than that will be vital.

And now I feel like Roy trying to become Fuhrer.

In all seriousness, though she and I are strangers, I still care. Maybe because I still feel guilty about her. A lot because I did value her... and still do, though less than before. I messed up with her, I realize that, but it was a two way street. I may be emotionally stunted at times, but I know that this was not just me. So maybe I'll chalk this up to repaying a debt to an old treasured bond, to the person that helped me pick myself up and rebuild after high school. I have you lot again, but that strength is on account of her and several other people, so I cannot forget what they've done for me regardless of them leaving the crossroads where we met.

I am, however, afraid of getting sucked into this. Luckily, our group has spread across campus, and I'm living with people that, while I care about them, I do not necessarily have an extreme dependency on. And even so, I am still in Hong Kong with plans to be in IL for a week before heading to California.

I have given up on Quantum; I will retake it in Urbana... which leaves me with the pressing need to do well in all my other classes. This will be a wee bit more difficult... as I forgot to turn in one page of my stats hwk (stupid laptop squished it) and my lackluster performance (epic failure) on the exams. There is a lot riding on these finals (50-75%, depending on the course), so I will need to work hard.

I find I don't have that ability anymore. Bothersome.

It is 3:30 AM here, and my last Quantum lecture is tomorrow. I should go... but we'll see. For now, I'm signing off, uncertain of my ability to succeed in all matters but strongly aware that changing myself at this stage will be next to impossible. It seems I have a new sin to add to my top attributes.

-Neal